trusting.

Some days are hard.

Today was one of those day.

I brace myself for difficult situations every week. I think the world of the students I work with, but being a social worker for the last 2 school years, I've seen a lot. Dysfunction. Hurt. Abuse. Neglect. Homelessness. Addiction. The list goes on. Usually I'm able to take it all in stride, though, but today was the hardest hit I have had.

Today felt personal. I felt the incredible sting of loss of 3 of my students who left our school unexpectedly. They truly felt like my very own.

I broke down in my office and cried - something I just don't do. Then got in my car hours later on the way home and bawled, praying out loud to the only One who could comfort them today. The love I have felt for these particular students is unbelievably deep. I would have given everything I own to make their lives better.

Now my hands are off. I can literally do nothing to be there for them. It hurts so bad.

So tonight, I'm begging Jesus to reveal himself to my babies. To be the sovereign Father whose love is tangible and wrap them up in his arms. To comfort and heal deep wounds. To create hope and a future in the midst of the desert.

I've been praying the verse in Psalms 25:20-22 over them. "Guard (their) l(ives) and rescue (them). Let (them) not be put to shame. May (they) take refuge in You. May integrity and uprightness protect (them), because (their) hope is in you. Redeem (them), Oh God, from all of their troubles."

Today has tested me. How sincerely do I trust Him? I have no choice because I am powerless right now.

He says that He is life. I know Him to be an incredible Father, who doesn't turn a blind eye to pain. I am standing on that and trusting with all that I can that He is wrapping up my favorites and telling them it will be ok. He is near. He has not abandoned them. And He never will.