From one selfish person to another:

I am fundamentally selfish. At the end of the day, it's the unfortunate truth. 

SELFISH. Humanity yes, but not just humanity—you personally. Me personally.

I so wish that weren’t true.

Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I’m not because I can do some pretty “selfless” things. Selfishness is vicious. It’s sneaky. It tries to convince us that we’re always right. I want to be right. 

I know a lot of people who inspire me with the amount of generosity and love that

they display. That’s how I want to live my life as well.

But I know the truth remains: we’re all motivated by our own selfishness to some extent. Acknowledging that has brought such freedom and honesty to my life.

What’s my motive for the good that I do? Do I serve because it’s what I’m comfortable doing? Because I’m craving the ‘thank you’ or other positive affirmation? Do I love out of convenience?

Yes. All too often.

Thankfully, when I confess my selfishness for the sin that it is, God equips me to live for Him and for His purposes. He even uses my recognition of selfishness to teach me about His grace and His love. Identifying selfishness helps me appreciate the opposite: sincere, selfless love. The true, rich, ‘I value you your heart so much I will die to my own’ in various different ways big and small. I know firsthand what it’s like to look out for #1. To make sure that I’ve eaten when I wanted to eat. That I’ve rested when I wanted to rest. That I’ve worked out when I wanted to work out. That I've lived for me. It's much more difficult to consider others more highly than yourself. God consistently displays this type of love toward us.

Selfish people are hard to be around. They make terrible friends, terrible spouses.

Jesus is the perfect friend. The perfect companion. The selfless lover.

He gives us new hearts. He equips us to love genuinely. He enables us to  go beyond ourselves and share depth with one another. "Teach me to love as Christ." It was the foundation of my Forge class. Christ loves selflessly, which goes against the grain of my natural inclination. His love is rich and pure.

*written 4 months ago...and just now posted. That's what happens when I can't sleep at 4am.