dads.

October 7th was “Bring your dad to school day” at the school where I work. I brought my dad to school that morning. I’m so proud of him. Such a man of character, integrity, excellence, generosity. He has set the bar high for the man I will marry someday!

I asked my dad to be the guest speaker for the dads of my students who participated in the morning trip to school. ‘Challenge these men to step up to the role of dad. Teach them what you’ve learned through the years.’

Boy, did he ever! I’ve had multiple dads come to me since then and thank me for the challenge he delivered. THAT’S AMAZING! I’m a social worker in an elementary school—I see somecrazy situations. The dads who attended that event represented all types of dads: super committed dads to ‘my kids’ mom made me come to this so I could claim my kid on my taxes’, and everything in between. My dad’s words packed a punch that hit at every level.

I kept his notes...See below.

From my dad:

The fact is your kids do not have to look too far for a super hero in their lives. Many of you are already that Super Hero in the life of your child and each of us can be if we focus on 2 things:

1) Recognize the incredible opportunity we have as DADs to have influence.

2) Make being a father one of the highest priorities in our life.

Those 2 things will be critical to the fulfillment of one of the greatest calls a man can ever have on his life: the call of being a father.

Being cool is NOT REQUIRED. Being funny is NOT REQUIRED. Drving a fancy car or having an important title is NOT REQUIRED.

However, GREAT DAD requirements DO include: Being available. Being engaged. Taking action and LEADING THOSE WE FATHER.

3 new titles to consider:

1) You are the DOOR KEEPER of your home. You set the standard for what and even who is allowed in your home. Assert yourself as the leader in a kind but firm manner. Affect what comes in. What kind of music? What kind of books? What’s on TV? You can filter the entertainment and activities you allow in your home. Be concerned with what your kids are doing and who they are doing it with. Know their friends. You can and must exert your influence and as a result, you will send a message to your kids that YOU CARE.

2) You are the FORERUNNER for your child. You are the appointed one to go before your children in almost every area. You are charged to train up a child and model how to handle every season of life. There is a relationship between what you do and what they will do. You are modeling:

how to love, how to encourage, honesty, wisdom, being law-abiding, morality…or not

3) You are the REALITY EQUIPPER for your kids. Your job: Equip and prepare your kids for the reality of the world they will enter when they leave our presence. Equipping your children for the reality of a job someday may be as expecting them to pick up their toys, make their bed, help take care of the car. Teach them responsibility. Teach them consequences for their actions.

I realize that balancing all that life throws at us can be difficult. Being a father can be hard!! But you are the only FATHER your kids will ever have and they need you to be sold out and fully committed to that role.

There’s a great country music song by Rodney Atkins called Watching You (see clip). Our children are watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqYUns2YQik

Remember that our kids are not looking for perfection. All they want is your love, encouragement, and discipline. Yes, they WANT boundaries. They need motivation from you as well as your example and your involvement. They are looking for us to be invested in their life and care about their feelings, and spend time with them and talk to them and get on their level and be fun and silly and playful. They are looking for someone to protect them, lead them and model for them how to embrace the challenges of life.

Some of you may be saying ‘gosh I’ve already blown it.’ NOT TRUE. It is never too late! It does not matter where you start, it matters where you finish.


Our children are not looking for us to be their friend. Being a friend is a product of our role, not the goal in this season. To be just a friend and be cool and hang out and never hold them accountable would have been a huge disservice.

My wife and I have always made it a point to pray for our children. One of our specific prayers is that they would get caught early in any unacceptable activity. We believed that holding them accountable and intervening early would be key to their success. One day, my son who is now 22, and I were on our way to school when he was about 9 years old. Before he got out of the car that morning he said, “DAD, you have got to stop praying that prayer. I can’t do anything without getting caught.” Remember, one of the goals of a father: to equip his children to step out into the real world and succeed. Accountability is a part of that.

That little boy or girl that calls you daddy today will be a parent themselves before you can blink an eye. You can teach them responsibility, discipline, moral standards, work ethic, and how to interact with others and have successful relationships. OR you can be disengaged and they will still become a parent someday, be totally unprepared, and perpetuate whatever lifestyle or values they happen to pick up along the way. They will DO AS YOU DO more than they will do as you say.

Have you introduced some things into your home that you regret? Apologize and change, and you will gain respect like you have not had before. That’s what hero’s do. They are CHANGE AGENTS and they make things better. Don’t be afraid to change.

What does an engaged father look like?

• Involved

• Committed

• Willing to listen

• Willing to get on their level to make eye contact

• Uses appropriate physical touch

• Plays with his children

• Disciplines his children

• Knows who his children are hanging out with; knows who and what they are bringing home, and he makes his home the spot to hang out

• Knows and supports his children’s teachers as opposed to being mad at them when they try to hold their children accountable

• Raises the standard and makes sure nothing harmful is coming into the home such as drugs, pornography, and immorality

• Is a nosey dad. Yes, you have the right and the responsibility to know what is going on in the life of your children.

• Teaches his son how to treat a lady by the way dad treats a lady

• Teaches his daughter what to look for in a guy and how to expect to be treated by a man someday. Want her to marry someone who treats her with respect and is gentle with her? Model that. Set the standard high. Take her on dates. Show her values and appropriate interaction.

Dads, the stakes are high. We have a choice.

Someday, sooner than you can imagine, you will have to turn loose of your children to some degree. When you taught them to walk, at some point, you had to turn them loose. When teaching them to ride a bike, eventually you have to turn loose. When they go on that first date or drive for themselves for the first time, at some point you have to turn loose. They’ll get married, start their own family, and someday you will have to turn loose.

Knowing you’ve done your best to teach them to stand on their own, will make turning loose a lot easier.

So here’s the question: will your kids be ready? To a very large degree dad, hero, it is up to YOU.