unsure.

Unsure. That's how I feel at this moment. Unsure despite the security I ultimately will return to there are definitely areas that my heart feels unsure. I've been listening to a song by Derek Webb called Beloved. It goes like this:

beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground

so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law

beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me

beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in it’s ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received

because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts

beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of my body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons

I shouldn't be unsure. There is truth in the treasure of his body and blood. There is one who circumcises our hearts.

And yet I look all around and become unsure.

Most of my life has been a storybook. I've lived a relatively idealic, sheltered life. I didin't really get in trouble because I didn't really have the desire to. Here I am, 23 years old, and unsure if all that I've lived has been simply abiding by rules. I speak with my mouth that I love and have a relationship with this Jesus and yet I dont think I'm drawing many people closer to his heart.